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How to Heal from a Breakup

20 Things You Should Avoid Doing

Things not to do after a breakup: Breakups are hard. They can leave you feeling sad, angry, confused, and lonely. You may wonder what went wrong, what you could have done differently, or whether you will ever find love again.

But breakups are also an opportunity for growth and healing. You can learn from your past relationship, discover new aspects of yourself, and move on with your life. However, this process requires some time and effort. It also requires avoiding some common mistakes that can make your breakup worse.

Here are 20 things you should not do after a breakup, and what you should do instead.

1. Don’t contact your ex

One of the most tempting things to do after a breakup is to contact your ex. You may want to get closure, express your feelings, ask for another chance, or just check on them. But this is a bad idea. Contacting your ex will only reopen old wounds, create confusion, and prevent you from moving on.

Instead, cut off all communication with your ex for at least a month. Delete their number, block them on social media, and avoid places where you might run into them. This will help you heal faster and give you some space to focus on yourself.

2. Don’t stalk their social media accounts

Another thing you should not do after a breakup is to stalk your ex’s social media accounts. You may be curious about what they are doing, who they are seeing, or how they are feeling. But this is a form of self-torture. You will only hurt yourself by comparing yourself to their new life, imagining scenarios that may not be true, or triggering negative emotions.

Instead, unfollow or mute your ex on all social media platforms. You don’t need to see their updates, photos, or stories. They are no longer part of your life, and you need to accept that. Focus on your own social media presence instead, and use it to share positive things about yourself and your interests.

3. Don’t remain friends on social media

Some people think that remaining friends with their ex on social media is a sign of maturity or civility. They may also hope that this will keep the door open for a possible reconciliation in the future. But this is a mistake. Remaining friends with your ex on social media will only make it harder for you to move on. You will still see their posts, comments, and likes, which can trigger jealousy, resentment, or nostalgia.

Instead, unfriend or block your ex on all social media platforms. This may seem harsh, but it is necessary for your healing. You need to create a clear boundary between you and your ex, and let them know that you are no longer interested in their life. This will also help you avoid any awkward or unpleasant interactions online.

4. Don’t ask your mutual friends about your ex

If you have mutual friends with your ex, you may be tempted to ask them about your ex’s whereabouts, activities, or feelings. You may also want to vent to them about your breakup, or seek their support or advice. But this is not a good idea. Asking your mutual friends about your ex will only keep you stuck in the past, fuel your obsession, and create drama. It will also put your friends in an uncomfortable position of having to choose sides or lie to you.

Instead, respect your mutual friends’ privacy and boundaries. Don’t ask them anything about your ex, and don’t expect them to take sides or spy on them for you. If they bring up your ex in conversation, politely change the topic or excuse yourself. If you need someone to talk to about your breakup, find a trusted friend who is not connected to your ex, or seek professional help.

5. Don’t stalk and compare yourself to their new partner

If your ex has moved on with someone new, you may feel the urge to stalk and compare yourself to their new partner. You may wonder what they have that you don’t, how they met, how long they have been together, or how serious they are. But this is a waste of time and energy. Stalking and comparing yourself to their new partner will only make you feel insecure, inadequate, and bitter.

Instead, ignore their new partner completely. They are irrelevant to you and your life. They have nothing to do with why your relationship ended or how you feel about yourself. Focus on improving yourself instead of competing with someone else.

6. Don’t stop your life

One of the worst things you can do after a breakup is to stop living your life. You may feel like staying in bed all day, isolating yourself from others, neglecting your responsibilities, or giving up on your goals. But this will only make you feel worse. Stopping your life will only make you feel depressed, hopeless, and stuck.

Instead, keep living your life as normal as possible. Get up, get dressed, go to work or school, do your chores, pay your bills, and take care of yourself. Maintain your routine and structure, and don’t let your breakup affect your productivity or performance. This will help you feel more in control and confident.

7. Don’t pretend that you’re not affected

Another thing you should not do after a breakup is to pretend that you’re not affected by it. You may think that acting like nothing happened, hiding your emotions, or putting on a brave face will make you look strong or cool. But this is a form of denial. Pretending that you’re not affected by your breakup will only delay your healing and prevent you from processing your feelings.

Instead, acknowledge and accept that you’re affected by your breakup. It’s normal and natural to feel sad, angry, hurt, or confused after a breakup. You don’t have to hide or suppress your emotions. Let yourself feel them, express them, and release them. This will help you heal faster and healthier.

8. Don’t rebound

A common mistake people make after a breakup is to rebound with someone new. You may think that getting into a new relationship, having casual sex, or dating multiple people will help you get over your ex, boost your ego, or fill the void in your heart. But this is a bad idea. Rebounding with someone new will only complicate your emotions, hurt the other person, and prevent you from moving on.

Instead, stay single for a while after a breakup. Give yourself some time to heal from your previous relationship, reflect on what you learned, and figure out what you want in the future. Don’t rush into a new relationship until you’re ready and emotionally available.

9. Don’t degrade yourself

One of the most harmful things you can do after a breakup is to degrade yourself. You may blame yourself for the breakup, criticize yourself for your flaws, or doubt your worthiness of love. But this is a form of self-abuse. Degrading yourself will only lower your self-esteem, damage your self-image, and make you feel miserable.

Instead, respect and love yourself after a breakup. Remind yourself that the breakup was not your fault, that you have many strengths and qualities, and that you deserve to be happy and loved. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, and do things that make you feel good about yourself.

10. Don’t settle

Another thing you should not do after a breakup is to settle for less than you deserve. You may feel hopeless about finding love again, or think that no one else will want you or understand you. But this is a form of self-limitation. Settling for less than you deserve will only make you unhappy, resentful, and dissatisfied.

Instead, raise your standards after a breakup. Believe that there is someone better out there for you, someone who will love you the way you want to be loved, someone who will match your values and goals, someone who will make you happy. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.

11. Don’t lash out

One of the most immature things you can do after a breakup is to lash out at your ex or anyone else who is involved. You may want to hurt them back, get revenge, or make them regret their decision. But this is a form of aggression. Lashing out at your ex or anyone else will only make you look bad, create more conflict, and prolong your pain.

Instead, be mature and civil after a breakup. Don’t say or do anything that you will regret later, don’t stoop to their level, don’t give them any power over you. Be the bigger person, and let go of any anger or resentment. This will help you move on with dignity and grace.

12. Don’t post about it on social media

Another thing you should not do after a breakup is to post about it on social media. You may want to vent your feelings, seek sympathy or validation, or make your ex jealous. But this is a form of attention-seeking. Posting about your breakup on social media will only make you look desperate, pathetic, or petty. It will also invite unwanted comments, questions, or opinions from others.

Instead, keep your breakup private and offline. Don’t share any details, photos, or updates about your breakup on social media. Don’t air your dirty laundry or expose your vulnerability to the public eye. Keep it between you and the people who matter to you.

13. Don’t binge on food or alcohol

One of the most unhealthy things you can do after a breakup is to binge on food or alcohol. You may think that eating or drinking will comfort you, numb your pain, or distract you from your problems. But this is a form of escapism.

Binging on food or alcohol will only harm your physical and mental health. It will make you gain weight, damage your organs, impair your judgment, and worsen your mood.

Instead, eat and drink healthily after a breakup. Choose nutritious foods that will nourish your body and mind, such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats. Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and flush out toxins. Avoid or limit junk food, sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. This will help you feel better and more energetic.

14. Don’t isolate yourself

One of the most common things you can do after a breakup is to isolate yourself from others. You may feel like you don’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone, or do anything with anyone. You may think that no one understands you, cares about you, or can help you. But this is a form of self-pity. Isolating yourself from others will only make you feel more lonely, depressed, and hopeless.

Instead, reach out to others after a breakup. Connect with your family and friends who love you and support you. Spend time with them, talk to them, have fun with them. Join a club, a class, a hobby, or a volunteer group where you can meet new people who share your interests. This will help you feel more connected, valued, and happy.

15. Don’t dwell on the past

One of the most unproductive things you can do after a breakup is to dwell on the past. You may replay the good and bad memories of your relationship over and over in your mind. You may analyze every detail of what happened, what you said, what they did, or what you could have done differently. You may wonder what if, what now, or what next. But this is a form of rumination. Dwelling on the past will only keep you stuck in a loop of regret, guilt, or sadness.

Instead, focus on the present and the future after a breakup. Accept that the past is over and cannot be changed. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Live in the moment and appreciate what you have now. Plan for the future and set new goals for yourself. This will help you move forward with optimism and hope.

16. Don’t idealize your ex

One of the most unrealistic things you can do after a breakup is to idealize your ex. You may remember only the good things about them and forget the bad things. You may think that they were perfect for you and that no one else can compare to them. You may think that they are happier without you and that you are missing out on something great. But this is a form of distortion. Idealizing your ex will only make you feel more attached, dissatisfied, and miserable.

Instead, be realistic about your ex after a breakup. Remember that they were not perfect and that they had flaws and faults like everyone else. Remember that they were not right for you and that there were reasons why your relationship ended. Remember that they are not happier without you and that they are also going through their own challenges. This will help you detach from them and see them as they really are.

17. Don’t change yourself for them

One of the most desperate things you can do after a breakup is to change yourself for them. You may think that if you change your appearance, personality, behavior, or lifestyle, they will notice you, like you, or want you back. You may think that if you become more attractive, successful, or interesting, they will regret their decision or realize their mistake. But this is a form of insecurity. Changing yourself for them will only make you lose yourself, your identity, and your authenticity.

Instead, be yourself after a breakup. Don’t change anything about yourself for anyone else’s sake. Be proud of who you are, what you look like, what you do, and what you love. Be confident in your own worth, your own choices, and your own happiness. This will help you attract someone who will love you for who you really are.

18. Don’t hold on to their belongings

One of the most sentimental things you can do after a breakup is to hold on to their belongings. You may keep their clothes, gifts, photos, or letters as reminders of your relationship. You may think that these items will comfort you, or bring back the good times. But this is a form of attachment. Holding on to their belongings will only clutter your space, your mind, and your heart.

Instead, let go of their belongings after a breakup. Return them, donate them, sell them, or throw them away. Don’t keep anything that belongs to them or reminds you of them. Clear your space, your mind, and your heart of any traces of them. This will help you create room for new things, new experiences, and new people in your life.

19. Don’t listen to sad songs

One of the most emotional things you can do after a breakup is to listen to sad songs. You may find solace in songs that express your feelings, or relate to your situation. You may think that these songs will help you cope, or heal, or catharsis. But this is a form of indulgence. Listening to sad songs will only make you feel more sad, more hurt, and more hopeless.

Instead, listen to happy songs after a breakup. Choose songs that uplift your mood, or inspire your spirit. Choose songs that make you smile, laugh, or dance. Choose songs that help you celebrate, or appreciate, or enjoy your life. This will help you feel more positive, more motivated, and more hopeful.

20. Don’t give up on love

One of the most tragic things you can do after a breakup is to give up on love. You may think that love is not for you, or that you are not good enough for love, or that you will never find love again. You may think that love is too hard, too painful, or too risky. But this is a form of fear. Giving up on love will only make you miss out on one of the most beautiful, rewarding, and meaningful aspects of life.

Instead, believe in love after a breakup. Know that love is for everyone, and that you are worthy of love, and that you will find love again. Know that love is worth it, worth the effort, worth the pain, worth the risk. Know that love is abundant, diverse, and infinite. This will help you open your heart to new possibilities, new opportunities, and new people.

Breakups are hard, but they are not the end of the world. You can heal from a breakup, and you can grow from a breakup. You can also avoid making some common mistakes that can make your breakup worse. By following these 20 tips, you can move on from your breakup with grace, wisdom, and happiness.

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